From the category archives:

Shahid Kapoor


Ever since the break up of Shahid-Kareena jodi, Shahid had been linked with every actress in tinsel town he had performed with. Rumors have it that he has dated tennis player Sania Mirza, Vidya Balan and Priyanka Chopra.

Publicity stunt or whatever the love between Shahid and Piggy Chops has bloomed in the sets of Kaminey and they are seeing each other since then. Their love faded soon the film faded and they are on their own paths.

But, recently our little birdie brought the news that Shahid, who planned to buy a bigger flat cancelled it because Priyanka was staying in the same building. Great neighborly love…..or is it something we are missing on…let’s wait and hear it from them only.
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When were huge backsides in? There was a time when Sir Mix-A-Lot sang the infamous I like Big Butts but I thought that was the end of the big butt frenzy. I however, was mistaken because then came bootylicious Jennifer Lopez, Beyonce and more recently Kim Kardashian shaking their huge backsides to fame and fortune.

Enter Bollywood. Remember how the careers of Bollywood actresses has been inversely proportional to the size of their backsides? Remember Shilpa Shirodkar, Rambha and the likes who got booted because of their booty?

You must be wondering why I am incessantly talking about butts, backsides and booty. It is because I just found out that Shahid Kapoor uses bum bags to make his butt appear bigger than it actually is!

I don’t know who or what his inspiration is. The man can act. The man can dance. The mans has celebrity parents. The man even had a string of gorgeous girlfriends. These are the makings of a perfect Bollywood life. Why then this insecurity? We have seen bimbos like Sherlyn and Rakhi go for silicon enhancement in their bosoms for the want of work, fame and recognition. Shahid, it seems is on a similar path. Only difference is that he’s gone a little below the belt!

Shahid dude, I can understand women being finicky about the size and roundness of their butt. But, I am finding it a little hard to understand why a perfectly attractive (some might even say pretty) male specimen would be so fixated on his backside to the point where he wears bum bags in public. It is a little odd if you ask me and sends the wrong message to the wrong people (wink! wink!). Red-blooded males are supposed to be muscular with killer abs…. not bootylicious like Jennifer Lopez, Beyonce and Rhamba! Something isn’t gelling right here but to each his/her own in this crazy mixed-up world of Bollywood.
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You have to give it to Salman Khan. His movie Wanted is running so successfully that his critics have now turned tail.

Sallu Bhai’s mass appeal is of a kind that, I am sure, is envied by the other two Khans: Aamir and Shah Rukh. He has proved beyond doubt that he is very much in business. And, at a time when such confirmation was very necessary. It was up against Dil Bole Hadippa at the halls, which has Shahid Kapoor still gloating over his Kaminey success and a very sexed up Rani Mukherjee.

This should send a message to Shahid who’s busy confusing himself to be Shah Rukh Khan already. And poor Rani, all that skin show came to naught. She had almost starved herself for over a year to wriggle into a bikini. We can’t even say better luck next time to you, Rani, and you know why.

Anyway, getting back to Salman dear, his all-out publicity efforts for Wanted paid off. And he celebrated in style, too, with each fly in Bollywood invited except for the people he loves to hate, namely SRK, the Bachchans, and Vivek Oberoi.

But he should do something about his ever-growing hate list. When Aamir and Shah Rukh have buried the hatchet and will soon work together in Danny Boyle’s next film, don’t you think Salman that you too could profit significantly by a similar collaboration? So how about forgiving and forgetting and moving on like a big-minded, successful superstar is expected to do?
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To a lot of movie fans, Shahid Kapoors character Charlie in the hit movie Kaminey came through as someone who was gay…someone who wanted or had more than a business relationship with his buddy and handsome partner in crime Mikhail. The vibes were very strong. Were these simply two good actors or was there something more that the director wanted to portray?

I can just imagine the conversation Vishal Bhardwaj may have had with Shahid, explaining the character to him …

Vishal: Dude I think Charlie and Mikhail are a couple

Shahid: Like Abhishek and John?

Vishal: No like Abhishek and Aishwarya

Shahid: ????? ‘Scuse me?

Vishal: Nah Forget it!

The question is… did Vishal want to make Charlie and Mikhail a couple? Or did Shahid unconsciously project the unspoken attraction envisioned by Vishal Bhardwaj? Is this why so many people sensed the gay undertones in the the Spiderman scene when both of them roll over each other?

They had even plan to run off together when they make a pile of money. Very, very romantic wouldn’t you say?
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Perhaps this is why Aamir Khan does one movie a year, though it has its own risk of being seen too little in the public space.

What Aamir does is to put all his energy in one movie, and then promote it by fair means or foul. Remember how he took up the cudgels for the Narmada campaign overnight when Rang De Basanti was in the halls? Never mind that he was then the brand ambassador of Coca Cola, who was guzzling water in a Kerala village. And now he’s going about calling himself an idiot (his next movie is 3 Idiots) and referring to SRK as “too intelligent” in the same sentence, which hits the proverbial two birds with one stone.

But, let me not digress. Aamir’s strategy does work, and ‘Fahid‘ needs to learn, quickly. He’s blabbed about Kaminey so much, that the hype will take some time to die. Especially so because Kaminey is a forceful movie.

But Shahid doesn’t have time, Dil Bole Hadippa is breathing down his neck, and he quickly has to change avatars. Kaminey has been a huge hit and expectations are way too high from Shahid and his performance in his forthcoming movies will be gauged by the Kaminey meter.

Recently, he said somewhere that he’s surprised at not being linked with Rani Mukherjee, as he’s always being linked up with his co-stars. Take the cue, Shahid, we still haven’t gotten over the act you and Piggy Chops put up pre-Kaminey.

And once DBH is through, Chance Pe Dance will be on us soon enough. Shahid, we understand that Johnny-come-latelies like you need to cash in before the magic dies down, but audience fatigue and boredom  may set in sooner if you try to stuff yourself down our throats this way!
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When Abhinav Singh and Aditya Chopra began work on Dil Bole Hadippa, I am sure they were starry eyed about the potential success of the newly acclaimed Shahid Kapoor and the much toned down and scantily dressed Rani Mukherji. There’s nothing wrong with being optimistic. However, things are not looking too great for the duo because the censor board has just slammed a U/A certificate on the movies.

Guess why?

According to the censor board, in their attempt to draw more crowds to their upcoming film, Aditya and Abhinav have notched up the oomph factor a little too much.

Of course, the world is not yet ready for Sherlyn Chopra and Rakhi Sawant together in one movie. No matter if their collective IQ is less than an eight years old’s, their ample, surgically-enhanced bosoms are enough to make people some people sweat profusely. Personally for me, I do not care much for either of them being there in the movie and I am sure, there are many others like me. Their presence somehow undermines the high-calibre production with sleaze and a cheap mass-marketing taint. But maybe, just maybe, Dil Bole Hadippa is not for people like you and me.

If you’re getting my drift, maybe you will not really line up outside multiplexes to waste hard earned money on this one! Next please!
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The Indian censor board should put itself to better use and go jump into the sea, aargh! They stand almost no competition, apart from the BCCI perhaps, when it comes to being thickheaded.

Time and again, they rate a movie ‘A’, and have people curious and lining up to watch it, only to be sorely disappointed. For instance, I haven’t yet figured out why Kaminey was rated ‘A’. The strongest word in the movie was perhaps the title itself, and please, we’ve all heard worse. The version I watched in the movie hall didn’t even have the much-talked about steamy smooch between Priyanka and Shahid!

And, now I hear that even after rating Pankh ‘A’, the censor nuts weren’t satisfied and demanded that Bipasha’s dialogue be cleaned up of the ‘F’ word. Bipasha’s character in the movie says, “You are f****d up in the head, that’s why you want to f*** me.”

But director Sudipto Chattopadhyay didn’t blink and won his way. And ain’t I glad! If the movie is to get an ‘A’ rating anyway, then why does it need to be sanitized, and for whom?

I am tired of your holier-than-thou, self- righteous attitude. Move out of the way people and let us enjoy our movies without having to pass them through your laughably outdated moral judgments and loopy rating system.

“You are f****d up in the head, that’s why you want to f*** me”
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Salman Khan detests ‘F’ words. He hates them with all his might.

It’s not the four letter variety that he hates though. It’s the seven letter one that’s spelt F-O-R-G-I-V-E. The other is F-O-R-G-E-T. And he hates to forgive and forget. Get on his wrong side and you’ve got yourself an enemy for life.

Vivek Oberoi learnt it the hard way after his olive branch was snubbed very publicly by Salman on stage at an awards function a few years back. Shah Rukh Khan is bearing the brunt of his wrath with Sallu Bhai leaving Aamir far behind in taking the choicest of pot shots at King Khan through the media. And now it’s Shahid Kapoor who’s at the receiving end.

Salman hasn’t forgiven Shahid for locking horns with him during the Rockstars international tour- a good three years ago. Neither has he forgotten. And the short-tempered Khan made his animosity plain when he snubbed Shahid on his show Dus Ka Dum in one of the latest episodes (yet to be aired).

According to insiders, Salman was extra warm to the other guest Rani Mukherjee while practically ignoring Shahid. Poor Shahid, who’s been so full of himself after the success of Kaminey, was left speechless and stunned. Phew!

Makes me wonder, is Salman getting crabby and vengeful in his old age? Or is he getting schizophrenic, imagining hostility where none exists? Oops, I better shut up before After Packup ends up on his hit (hate) list too, wot say?
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In an earlier post, I knocked Shahid for being a money grabber. But I have enough indignation in me for another jab at our Johnny-come-lately-to- success who has suddenly gone all hoity-toity with the first real whiff of super-success.

Till a few months back, Shahid was just another good actor with a few hits and a whole lot of flops under his belt. His biggest hit had been Jab We Met, but Kareena Kapoor had conveniently stolen his thunder that time.

Then along came a super hit called Kaminey which gave our sweet little boy next door a massive swollen head. And under the delusion of his sudden “superstar” status, Shahid boy had the gall to demand 15 Crores, from Subhash Ghai of all people. The very same Subhash Ghai, who had given Shahid a foothold in the industry with a bit part in Taal. Who does Shahid think he is, Shah Rukh Khan? Even King Khan wouldn’t have treated Subhashji with such disdain.

Shocked out of his wits, Subhashji beat a hasty retreat. He’s not squealing on Shahid, but I have no such qualms, which is the reason for two angry posts.

Shame on you, Shahid! That pretty boy face cannot hide the ugliness of ingratitude and arrogance.
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Remember when you were little and your mother would set you up in her lap and tell you the story of the King Midas who was too greedy…? Yes? Good for you because some of us have surely forgotten how that one ended. Take for instance Shahid Kapoor. Sure you’ve had some success and your days of giving forgettables like ‘Ishq Vishq‘ are behind you. After a smash hit like ‘Kaminay, I won’t blame you for acting all smug and super cool. But demanding 15 Crores for a movie… and that too from Subhash Ghai who’s recently got so many blows that he’s still trying to find his feet? Are you losing your mind?

Honey, I think your head is blown up so big right now that you can’t see the direction where you’re heading… This is tinsel town Shahid, and it’s overflowing with greedy and conceited has-beens who landed in a pile of dung because they overestimated their worth. There’s still time. Don’t become a shameless money grabber so soon. I would hate to be the one to say “I told you so” a few years from now when you are standing in the “has-been” line trying to get in as an extra on a grade B flick.
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