From the category archives:
Rakhee Sawant
If Rakhi Sawant’s recent brush with tabloid fame and stardom is any indication of a starlet’s dream come to life, then Sherlyn Chorpa certainly isn’t buying in.
The ‘outrageous’ siren recently turned away an offer to star as the much-needed sizzle factor in Big Boss 2. Show sponsors apparently believed that a Rakhi sequel would boost the series’ flagging TRPs, and even pointed out the incredible opportunities that had flowed Rakhi’s way after her gut-wrenching sob-stories with the ‘hidden’ Big Boss camera.
But trust Ms. Chopra to dish out a few gems of her own. With a condescending smirk, Sherlyn remarked, “How can you even compare a Mercedes Benz to a Nano?”
She further pointed out the many differences between Mrs. Parujanwala and herself – her non-anglicized brogue, her fashion quotient (or rather, her lack of it), and even her personality. Delicious! Over to you Rakhi… we are just waiting for your response!
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Rakhi Sawant sure knows how to squeeze the very last drop from her 15 seconds of fame – be it the poorly orchestrated swayamvar, the soppy, strategically-dramatized romance with Elesh Parujanwala or even the ‘startling revelation’ of Elesh not living up to the proverbial Mr. Moneybags illusion he had initially created.
A few hours ago, the very Rakhi who took thousands of bored television viewers by storm with her woeful tales of Elesh’s dishonesty and bitter Kandivali vada pav origins, garlanded the same pointedly-Canadian groom amidst much hoopla. Clad in her signature cleavage-baring version of traditional bridal finery and glitzy costume jewelry, Rakhi traded her brazen ‘item girl’ façade for a more demure and painfully coy role of a blushing bride-to-be. But the real piece de resistance of the entire episode was her endless barrage of Grihasthashrama meanderings, which ranged from ancient verses from the Ramayana to her very own personal ‘insights’ and ‘reflections’ on life, the universe and everything in between.
So, will this wedding last once the gaudy pink garlands have faded and the audiences have switched their television sets off with a relieved sigh? Only time, and Elesh Parujanwala’s patience, can tell… until then, let’s grab some popcorn and wait for Mr. Mahajan’s moment in the sun, shall we?
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I simply love Mika! He seriously has the potential to be the one-stop source of grist for After Packup’s non-stop mill. One day, he’s smothering his godchild, the other day he’s choking Nigar!
But complacency is one thing you’ll never associate with Mika. Keep pushing the envelope, as they say. Only, this time Mika pulled down… Jay Bhanushali’s pants on the Iss Jungle Se Mujhe Bachao reality show. And had the balls to ask Jay, why he wasn’t wearing any chuddies inside 
Once again, I’d reiterate my advice to the makers of the show to rename it as suggested in the title of this post. What a show it’ll be… Mika appears on the scene and women run helter-skleter and men hold on tight to their pants… Without doubt, the best thing ever to happen to Indian television, but for the constant competition he faces from Ms Sawant’s pre-marital nakhrein.
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Rakhi Sawant’s shaadi is fast turning into a tragic-comedy of sorts with Rakhi complaining non-stop about everything from their incompatibility owing to Elesh’s education (and her illiteracy) to his sister’s impending marriage in Canada.
And now Rakhi’s suddenly discovered that Elesh is not as affluent as he had let on. In fact she says he’s been surviving on vada pavs during his stay in Mumbai and stays in a rented flat in Kandivali with a room-mate. Now, that’s her cue to drop him faster than she would drop a hot potato.
Suddenly Rakhi’s rediscovered her affections for her ex, Abhishek Awasthi and wants out from the alliance.
Please Rakhi, spare us the drama shama, won’t you!
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After Rakhee Sawant, it’s super-hot item girl Nigar Khan’s turn to be smooooochied by who else, Mika Singh. Hmm, well, at least, it’s better choice this time round 
Mika so wanted to be a part of ex-kissee Rakhee’s Swayamvar. As that didn’t happen, a very frustrated Mika signed up for the show Iss Jungle Se Mujhe Bachao and pounced on the first available lips, which so conveniently happened to be Nigar’s.
Well, Mika, all I can say is calm down and grow up, boy. Those hot lips of yours are pure trouble.
And the producers of the show may well consider re-naming it to ‘Iss Mika se Mujhe Bachao!’ I think escaping from Mika could be far more adventurous and difficult than from the various creatures in the jungle. And, TRPs will touch the sky!!
Will the newly engaged Rakhee sign up for the show?
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“Rakhi aces all the categories that I ever wanted in my woman. She is simply genuine and I love that about her. When I saw her first, she looked stunning and gorgeous,” Elesh said.
After I had puked and cleaned up the washbasin, I still could not decide whether…
- Rakhi is dumb
- Elesh is dumber
- Rakhi is smart
- Elesh is smarter
I thought for 3 hours and 15 minutes and then i added another option..
5. I don’t care
I thought for .0001 seconds and decided that this was the best option. Amen
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After all the hullaballoo, on the day of the Swayamvar, Ms Sawant informs us she is only getting engaged for now, and the wedding will happen after she and Elesh get to know each other better, off camera. (Thank God for small mercies!)
Well, we weren’t exactly dying to be part of the marriage party and I, for one, hadn’t believed for a moment that Rakhee would tie the knot just like that. There had to be an anti-climax.
But methinks the newly-coquettish Rakhee might have done a smart thing or two here with the Swayamvar. For instance, celeb weddings have always been great money-spinners, but Rakhee has done a one-up. You want a celeb wedding? Here, you get a Swayamvar as bonus! That’s one more previously untapped channel of earning for a celeb.
And, she’s now whipped up strong curiosity about whether or not she will go ahead and tie the knot. If she does, of course, the rights to the ‘event’ will be something to watch out for.
Oh, and if Rakhee hasn’t already thought about this, I have a tip for her: if this reality marriage ever comes crashing down, she could auction off the rights to the break-up, too. But I’d be grateful to her if she gave me advance notice: I’d try and find a place on earth with no satellite TV access.
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