From the category archives:
Rakhee Sawant
First there was Rakhi Sawant who did anything to keep her in the headlines, be it putting up a small temple in her bathroom or a public break up. We had just started to get used to the lull that she left, after her ‘Rakhi Ka Swayamvar’, but it seems that this lull was simply a lull before the storm. The storm that is Sherlyn Chopra.
Sherlyn started off in Bollywood much like Rakhi. The airhead bimbo that she is, she simply chose the wrong person to follow. Anyway, after an unsuccessful stint at publicity mongering in Big Boss 3, Sherlyn Chopra has unleashed the bomb. She has gone and posted nude pictures of herself on Twitter, asking for feedback from junta.
Daring, we say… but to what end? Does Sherlyn think that by posing nude, she will suddenly become the heartthrob of Bollywood? That all of a sudden, producers will line up outside her door, trying to get her to sign their movies? Well we don’t know what she has been thinking, but one thing is for sure… she has set new levels of cheap publicity. For this one, even Rakhi may have to give her a standing ovation.
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When were huge backsides in? There was a time when Sir Mix-A-Lot sang the infamous I like Big Butts but I thought that was the end of the big butt frenzy. I however, was mistaken because then came bootylicious Jennifer Lopez, Beyonce and more recently Kim Kardashian shaking their huge backsides to fame and fortune.
Enter Bollywood. Remember how the careers of Bollywood actresses has been inversely proportional to the size of their backsides? Remember Shilpa Shirodkar, Rambha and the likes who got booted because of their booty?
You must be wondering why I am incessantly talking about butts, backsides and booty. It is because I just found out that Shahid Kapoor uses bum bags to make his butt appear bigger than it actually is!
I don’t know who or what his inspiration is. The man can act. The man can dance. The mans has celebrity parents. The man even had a string of gorgeous girlfriends. These are the makings of a perfect Bollywood life. Why then this insecurity? We have seen bimbos like Sherlyn and Rakhi go for silicon enhancement in their bosoms for the want of work, fame and recognition. Shahid, it seems is on a similar path. Only difference is that he’s gone a little below the belt!
Shahid dude, I can understand women being finicky about the size and roundness of their butt. But, I am finding it a little hard to understand why a perfectly attractive (some might even say pretty) male specimen would be so fixated on his backside to the point where he wears bum bags in public. It is a little odd if you ask me and sends the wrong message to the wrong people (wink! wink!). Red-blooded males are supposed to be muscular with killer abs…. not bootylicious like Jennifer Lopez, Beyonce and Rhamba! Something isn’t gelling right here but to each his/her own in this crazy mixed-up world of Bollywood.
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Blood does run thicker than water and that was just proved by none other than Rakhi Sawant! If you’ve seen even a single episode of the third season of Bigg Boss, you know what a disaster Rakhi’s mom is! She sings provocative songs and shakes a leg or two dancing to what she calls ‘meri Rakhi ka gana’. Of course the song she’s dancing to is not her daughter’s song… but I digress…
Rakhi is upset with Tanaaz Karim. You may wonder why. Well it is because Tanaaz, who is a housemate with mama Sawant at the house of Bigg Boss, is not paying due respect and attention to her.
Rakhi may not be on talking terms with her family. She may have not invited her family to her make believe wedding. She may not even acknowledge their existence, but she will let anyone insult her blood relations …as long as it gives our fame-pimping hustler a chance to be in limelight. So don’t you dare mess with Rakhi’s mother, housemates of Bigg Boss, or you will experience the wrath of Rakhi… or her unending high pitched monologue in front of the cameras. Well, like it or not, you have a choice between tolerating Jaya Sawant’s uber dramatic tantrums or deal with her daughter’s cheap media grabbing ones.
If you insist on subjecting yourself to these stomach-turning interludes, at least have some medication for acid reflux or nausea near at hand. You’ll need it!
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It all began with the cheesy, televised Swayamvar, which had a very decadent and equally obnoxious Rakhi Sawant batting her fake eyelashes and dishing out her half-baked atrocious sound bytes at all and anyone who would care to listen.
Along came Mr. Elesh Parujanwala with his mighty promises of phirang lands and glorious riches. Not surprisingly, Ms. Sawant was only too eager to lap all of Elesh’s tall tales, and declared him to be the man she’d been waiting several lifetimes for.
Not one to be outdone, Mama Sawant realized that this disgusting Swayamvar could very well be her first and only shot at overnight celebrity status, and created a huge ruckus about Rakhi not asking for her ‘permission’ and ‘opinion’ about Elesh vada-pav.
Rakhi, being the insatiable fame-whore that she is, refused to allow Mama Sawant to the ‘most special day of her entire life’… which surprisingly, never took off after Elesh revealed his not-so-affluent origins and months-old unemployment.
By now, Mama Sawant has seen, heard and experienced enough. So, she decides to follow her inglorious, tarty daughter’s footsteps by making a bee-line for the attention-starved, humbug Bigg Boss series.
So, if Mama Sawant’s career graph is any indication of times to come, does this mean that also have to bear a melodramatic, well-past-her-prime, fame-mongering cougar offering lip-service to a dozen giddy, small-town males? And should push come to a shove, will Mama Sawant also proceed to thrust her silicon bosom at just about every other private party and shady awards’ ‘functions’?
Ewww…. And we thought Rakhi Sawant was bad news!
A special word to the makers of Bigg Boss: WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING???!!
Last time I checked, Bigg Boss was supposed to be (or was supposed to at least try to be) entertaining and creative. With the way things are shaping up, why don’t you just bunk Big B’s pseudo pop philosophy and rename the show as ‘Sawant Kutumb ki Chatt-patti batein’, or maybe ‘Jo dikhta hai, wahi bikta hai’ in classic Rakhi Sawant ishtyle?
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New Rakhee and Elesh Show Criticised In ‘Baby Pimping’ Uproar!
Filed under : Bitchiest, Rakhee Sawant
The much-hyped borrowed baby show featuring washed out starlets like Mouni Roy and of course, our very own Rakhi ‘loudmouth’ Sawant has finally attracted the wrath of the National Commission of Protection of Child Rights (NCPCR). They claim that tearing a child away from his / her biological parents can have disastrous implications on the child’s mental and physical well being.
Gee… so, it took NCPCR all of a good month or two of subjecting hapless toddlers to brainless, irresponsible nobodies before they finally realized that the children (who obviously have no say in what happens to them) were being treated unfairly? Brilliant deduction, NCPCR. We only wish you’d thought of this way before the show actually kicked off instead of waiting for Rakhi Sawant and Co. to flaunt their borrowed babies like trendy Gucci accessories.
The show organizers claim however, that the parents of these ‘borrowed children’ were not paid for loaning out their offspring, as they were already ‘rich’ and ‘educated’. What’s more, some of these parents also go on to claim that they were doing ‘social service’ by teaching celebrities the finer nuances of parenting. Say, what?
Which ‘rich’ and ‘educated’ parent in their right mind would loan their child out to Rakhi and Egg-head Parujanwalla, or even Mouni Roy and Gaurav Chopra who are more obsessed with pecking at each other, rather than bonding with the child they are supposed to be caring for?
It’s only now, after the show has attracted all this unnecessary hype and hoopla, that a couple of astute psychologists cry foul and blame the show-organizers for causing separation anxiety in the young, unwilling stars-to-be.
Methinks that in addition to the organizers, NCPCR should also haul up these irresponsible parents by the scruff of their necks and teach them a firm lesson or two about what caring for your child really means. Because the last time I checked, it certainly didn’t have to do with pimping your child out for your own personal and starry-eyed ambitions.
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Air Head Asin Could Face The Wrath Of Khans If She Doesn’t Shut Up Soon!
Filed under : Aamir Khan, Asin, Bitchiest, Rakhee Sawant, Saif Ali Khan, Salman Khan, Shah Rukh Khan
Asin amuses me. No really, she does. In fact, I am sure that a lot of others are equally amused with her. I, of course, am not talking about her uber hamming skills or her plastic ‘oh-I’m-so-adorable-and-nice’ persona. I am talking about her mouth at which she apparently has no control.
After being pounded by the media so hard for her suddenly-acquired attitude, I am surprised that the lady is still going great guns. Frankly, these were characteristics that I would previously only have attributed to Rakhi Sawant. But not anymore. Asin’s coming very close to Rakhi when it comes to drama and I am really not even kidding!
After she managed to get Salman upset with her, she’s now denying self-concocted rumors of her affair with Salman. Uh… Asin, did you just try to imply there that Salman would prefer you over Katrina...? You didn’t? Because it seemed like you just did. If you haven’t got the point yet, here it is again. You’ve irked Salman off and even if you believe that he’s having an affair with you (enough to have to deny to the media!), there’s no reason you should say it out loud.
Of course knowing Asin, she wouldn’t stop just there. She’s elated with her start off in Bollywood.
“I started my innings with Aamir Khan and I continued my good spell with Salman. That is two Khans down, two to go (Shah Rukh Khan and Saif Ali Khan).”
Watch Out Khans! The arrogance of the statement is enough to raise anybody’s eyebrows. But not mine. I have learnt to expect this from Asin. After all, if no one’s talking about you in Bollywood, you have to take on the task yourself. You start by having an imaginary affair with a screen icon, then leak it to the press and proceed from there to posture yourself arrogantly and pretend that you are a legendary screen goddess in the making and every popular actor will soon be lining up to star with you.
Here’s some advice for you lonely girl Asin, play with your dolls and enjoy yourself but know when to shut up and stop babbling about your fantasies — remember, you’re only pretending in that little make believe world you call your mind!
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Sherlyn Chopra is now proudly walking in Rakhi Sawant’s sleazy showbiz shoes. If you compare the similarities in their careers, you would be surprised. Both have no brains and little control over their loose tongues. Both women shed off their clothes on the drop of a hat. Both have a boob jobs that they are quite proud of and of course both are cheap publicity seekers. However, Rakhi has Bigg Boss and a much hyped Swayamvar under her wing whereas Sherlyn has yet not forayed into the reality show circus.
But the gap between the two bimbos which was not much to begin with, is getting narrower even as you read this. Sherlyn Chopra is packing her bags for Bigg Boss and it seems as if some people are really interested in seeing how she does. Why I can’t understand…but we can’t all have lives and responsibilities I guess.
Of course the makers of Bigg Boss would like nothing more than to have a Menekasque Sherlyn Chopra try to seduce the Vishwamitra-like Baba Ramdev. While that circus may not happen anytime soon ( thank God!), I am sure Sherlyn is preparing herself well to arouse interest in any other Vishwamitra that she can find. The girl didn’t invest all that moolah in How-To-Be-Dumber-Than I-Already-Am classes and silicone boob implants for nuthin’.
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If there is someone in this world who inspires contradictory emotions, it’s Rakhi Sawant. There was a time when her crazy on-screen antics were surprising. Then I warmed up to her and she became amusing. Now, however, she is plain stupid and maybe a little conceited too. Just as you begin to think that Rakhi may have given you an overdose of ‘cheap’, she comes back with some more.
It’s perhaps hard to forget the Rakhi-Mika liplock, but her latest one is not only hard to forget, but also hard to digest. On one hand, she declares from rooftops how her love life with Elesh is doomed and how she cannot adjust to him. On the other, the woman is seen exchanging saliva with the same Elesh (who’s manhood I’m seriously beginning to doubt now) on Pati Patni Aur woh the reality series she’s currently working on.
Rakhi Sawant, can you give us a break? Seriously, we don’t want to see you any more… with or without your clothes on. We don’t want to see you locking lips with every Tom, Dick and Elesh and we certainly don’t want to see your cheap publicity stunts (which I might rather add, you have a talent for).
What bothers me most is Elesh. Seriously dude, what’s up with you? Don’t you have an off screen life that you one day dream of returning to? Or are you too taken in with the glamorous world of the silver screen? Though I’ve already said this once already, listen in carefully. In a few days, the show will be packed up and your lady luck (puke puke) will leave you. Consider yourself lucky if she does, but when that happens, you my friend are going to be really really laughed at clear across the continents from Asia to the Americas. And I have a suspicion that Rakhi will be leading the pack!
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I’m kind of at a loss of words to describe this phenomeon called Rakhee Sawant. Her many Swayamvars, fake parenting gigs, and in-your-face cleavage… I wouldn’t blink an eyelid at any of that, not any more at least.
But her latest status as a self-declared emissary of Jesus Christ has me stumped. And I’m totally zapped by her originality. There’s so many questions I’m dying to ask her. Here goes:
- Why Jesus? Why poor Jesus? Somehow, I can accept Krishna as Rakhee’s preferred diety, but Jesus…? Hasn’t he suffered enough for humanity already?
- Please do not act in this show, if you can do that one small favour for us. Please don’t take it in your head to be Mother Mary, and such. We’ll get really mixed up, and I’m not sure if we’ll ever be able to recover from such trauma.
- You say you have got a research team in place now. Errr, what exactly are they going to tell the world about Jesus that we already don’t know?
- Have you, in any way, been inspired by the success of Dan Brown’s books? (I hope to God the answer is no!) If yes, do you have any idea what kind of work actually went behind the success?
- If not, can you please tell us what exactly made you go ‘holy’, all of a sudden? I can’t take this curiosity, really.
Rakhee, may I suggest an innovative game/reality show, the theme of which will be something like, ‘Guess what’s on Rakhee’s mind’ or ‘What will Rakhee come up with next?’ Categories can include: “Making X-Rated Videos”; “Shameless Fame and Money Hustling”; “New Ways To Get Cheap Publicity” and “Poor Emasculated Elesh”.
And by the way, any news of Elesh, a guy you once used to know?
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Nothing is certain in this world except for one thing. Rakhi Sawant will always remain in the limelight for all the wrong reasons. She has been enjoying some good times after her successful Rakhi Ka Swayamvar and of course money and offers for other reality shows have been flowing in quite consistently. Enough to make any woman who’s clawed her way in from the ghettos of Mumbai feel good. Right?
Rakhi however, may not yet have reasons to celebrate. Recently, some desi videos which verge on being pornographic, have surfaced on the internet. The videos titled Kamasutra showcase a man and a woman sharing some… ummm… tender moments. While I don’t have much to say about the man, the woman looks eerily similar to Ms. Sawant. Enough to trash her career forever? Perhaps. But Rakhi is not someone who will go down in ashes so fast. I am sure she will have some use of this cheap publicity too. Maybe some tears accompanied by the question ‘Kya main insaan nahin hoon? Kya mujhe jeene ka haq naheen hai?’ on yet another reality show.
I wonder how Elesh is going to take this? If he is still nursing his hurt ego and manhood somewhere, this would be the right time to retract and save his dignity. Elesh, for your sake, I hope you are reading this!
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