From the category archives:
Mallika Sherawat
Is Kareena Going to Dance Circles Around Matt Damon at FIFA?
Filed under : Aishwarya Rai Bachchan, Amitabh Bachchan, Kareena Kapoor, Mallika Sherawat, Priyanka Chopra
What’s it with Bollywood stars and their fixation with Hollywood? First we heard about Amitabh starring in a Hollywood production, which never happened. Daughter -in- law Aishwarya , who was believed to be ditching Bollywood for a much hyped career in Hollywood, came back with only two minor Hollywood roles under her belt. Then there’s Mallika Sherawat who’s going all crazy about her Hissss…. and if you remember we also had Priyanka Chopra staging an elaborate romance with Gerard Butler.
After all this hocum, how could Kareena stay away? There are rumors that Chhote Nawab’s arm candy will be moving and shaking in a FIFA World Cup music video with Hollywood hottie Matt Damon. Is Kareena making the age old mistake of eyeing this as an entry into Hollywood? I mean, already her potential ‘latka jhatkas’ have been touted as an ‘improving relationship between Hollywood and Bollywood’!
We’re with you Kareena, but we do hope you have a tight grip on reality, because this is the stuff crashing dreams are made of!
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Our very own Mallika Sherawat (though she is trying to make Hollywood her home) was recently at the Cannes promoting her new movie Hiss by the angrez director Jennifer Lynch. She made a lot of news (typically her) as she danced with a snake (it seems the reptile too got smitten by the sexy lass!) at the Red Carpet. It is believed she had a gala time with the who’s who of the entertainment industry.
Sources say, the Jat girl was attending a charity event named “Cinema against AIDS”, a non- profit organization dedicated to AIDS research. Our desi kudi was the only Indian actor present at the event with celebs like Jennifer Lopez, Marc Anthony and renowned faces from the fashion world like Roberto Cavalli and Karl Lagerfeld.
As the story unfolds, Miss Sherawat paid ransom amounts to click her photos with the famous names. And as usual, most of them turned down her offer except Roberto Cavalli who was generous enough not to make the actress go home dejected…he complimented her by graciously kissing her hands.
But her dil maange more!! Not satisfied with one photograph, she went to the party princess Paris Hilton, but this party freak was not in a mood to entertain her desi version… According to sources, the Hilton heiress showed her disinterest by saying she isn’t familiar with her name (atleast somebody is!!) and throughout the party ignored her… Poor Mallika!
Wish they bonded well and gave us some mirch masala as well (imagine..Mallika Sherawat and Paris Hilton become best friends!!!)
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Guess who’s parading around town, inviting Hollywood head honchos to her Cannes after-hours parties? Think no more… It’s our very own limelight mongering Mallika Sherawat. Almost a non entity in Bollywood now, Mallika has set her sights on becoming a Hollywood heart throb (aka Bimbo). Imagine what that would be like, but I think she’s chosen the wrong way to go about it.
She recently pulled off a ‘Lady GaGa‘ at the Cannes Award function where she turned up in a ghastly looking cobwebbed – gothic frock and Roman Sandals. Definitely, she thought that this would put her in the race against the classier Deepika Padukone and Aishwarya Rai Bacchan. Sorry Mallika, wrong award function.
Mallika has been hissing too much on twitter too, trying to gt attention towards her upcoming movie ‘Hisss’. Her attempts sure reek of desperation. Well, what do you think, what else should Mallika do to make sure that she stays the center of attention, at least till she thinks up of something herself?
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Amrita Rao is Maxim’s cover girl of the month.
Whoa boys, calm down and let’s back up a little bit. Yes, we all know that Maxim is risqué and can get a little steamy… and that’s only putting it mildly. Remember Mandira Body (oops… I mean Bedi) in her barely-there bikini and scandal-icious tattoos?
So, when Amrita Rao decides to throw all caution and other ghareloo sensibilities to the wind and bare-dare all for a Maxim photo shoot, the imagination does tend to run wild. After all, Ms. Rao’s strategic move blends in perfectly with her decision to shed the painful girl-next-door avatar and don the sex-kitten hat.
But ghar-ki-Ammu still has a lesson or two to learn from seasoned dhamaka pros like Sherlyn and Mallika… at least as far as sound bytes are concerned.
With Mallika and gang, their constant blabbering tries to border on double entendres and tongue-in-cheek puns, if not all-out sexual propaganda.
Ms. Rao on the other hand, can’t seem to make up her mind about whether saucy and sexy is her ball game, or whether she’s better off playing safe with her giddy, girly avatar.
So, the muddle-headed bimbo decides to swing both ways by thrusting her bosom in a teensy-tiny ganji-cum-smock, and then spout ghar-ki-bahu wisdom when asked for her opinion on bikinis and sexuality.
She claims: “My dad used to tell me that a woman should wear a bikini the day she has a body to flaunt it.” Geez woman, really? So, Papa Rao decides to come home from work one fine evening and have a heart-to-heart with his starlet daughter about how bikini-worthy her body is? Wow… seems like Bigg Boss 3 needs to bunk Big B and hire Papa Rao right this very instant, because we’ve got a number of women out there who have no business flaunting their flab in peek-a-boo negligees and they could sure use some of Papa Rao’s astute wisdom.
But, trust Ms. Rao to take an inch and stretch it to a mile. She goes on to state: “A bikini is just a two-piece suit that one wears to the beach. It’s not a bait to get more publicity and fans.”
Holy moly Einstein! You’ve just discovered the Bikini Theory of Relativity! So, let’s get out there, you and I, and smack those dim-witted trade gurus and fat-cat producers over their heads, until they finally learn that a bikini-hot bod won’t attract any publicity and/or fans, shall we?
For your words of wisdom are anything to go by, all those red-blooded males who would willingly pledge their lives to see Bipasha Basu rising from the sea, Bo Derek-style and shake the water from her damp hair, really don’t know what they’re getting into. In fact, they barely qualify as ‘fans’ at all!
But all seriousness aside, methinks Ms. Rao should stick to her Vivah and soppy bridal reality television for keeps. This systematic shedding of clothes seems to be directly proportional to the loss of gray matter from her pretty little inflated head. That, or get Maxim to tape her lips sealed tight until she finally realizes that her 2 seconds of fame were over more than 200 days ago.
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Seems as if ‘Katrina Kaif‘ has been twittering away merrily discussing scripts with fans and even promising to consider future projects with people from the industry. Problem is…. this is not the real Katrina Kaif but an impersonator who has set up a Twitter account using Kat’s identity. When Katrina (the real one) came to know about it, she was shocked. She has officially released a statement declaring that she does not have any account on Twitter and there is someone else who is using her identity and creating all the confusion.
Now we wonder who might be the culprit? An unknown fan perhaps or maybe a Bollywood insider who has a Twitter fixation and lots of time on his/her hands? (Did Priyanka, Karan Johar, Gul Panag and Mallika Sherawat just log off very quickly?).
Much as we empathize, we hope that Kat and her handlers won’t make too much of this incident and squeeze it dry for every iota of cheap publicity and fan sympathy it can generate. We’re so tired of the Bollywood bratpack and their followers blowing every little teacup storm out of proportion, trying to create big empty dramas out of frivolous, non-events. Spare us the ‘”breaking news repetitious nausea” on this one okay people?
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Can Sexy Sushmita Still Teach Plastic Bollywood Bimbos A Thing Or Two?
Filed under : Ayesha Takia, Hrishitaa Bhatt, Mallika Sherawat, Sherlyn Chopra, Sushmitha Sen, Sweetest
Nobody really cares when actresses like Hrishita Bhatt or Ayesha Takia go missing from the 8mm screen. But when sexy siren Sushmita Sen goes missing in action, one cannot help but wonder if there is a sexy black hole somewhere in the world where all these women are enjoying a spring break equivalent of forced retirement?
Well there has to be something in play here. Sushmita, famous for her long legs and sultry looks (and perhaps also for the maniacal grasp she sometimes has on ex boyfriends), is not someone who could slip into oblivion so easily. So I feel absolutely delighted when I hear about her comeback. Word around the water cooler is that Sushmita is bringing sexy back with a hot new item number in Do Knot Disturb.
The last I saw her in some shampoo ad, she had gained a lot of weight and was sporting a really chubby face. Soooooo disappointing for one of the most sexciting actresses to have ever graced the sets of Bollywood! If there’s anyone alive who can show this sorry crop of plastic Bollywood bimbos like Mallika Sherawat and Sherlyn Chopra what sultry and sexy is really all about, it is you Sushmita. They need to be reminded that sexy is an innate quality that is natural and comes from deep within a woman; it is not about boob jobs, ridiculous stunts and scampering around scantily clad in next-to-nothing outfits like a cheap 99 cents hooker.
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Mallika Sherawat seems to have promoted herself to the rank of ‘International Bimbo’ after enjoying tremendous success as a Bollywood Bimbo. You hear her wanting to give inspirational speeches to folks at good old Twitter, posing in weird gothic shreds and barging in on Hollywood biggies. What’s she been doing all over the USA anyway?
Now, apparently, she has been voted among the top one hundred most beautiful women of Asia. What I hear in the background is all Asian women gagging themselves to death. I also saw a gleaming picture of her being recognized by the City Council of LA for her wonderful contribution towards Bollywood and other social and charitable issues. Please hold on a second… I’ll go throw up and come.
LA City Council… Must you remind us that you are based in the airheads’ capital of La La Land where anything goes? If you’re going to felicitate Bollywood nothings, honour someone who’s at least tried to make it big. Maybe next time, you’d want to honor Himmesh Reshammiya for his fantastic music abilities and his service to humanity by wearing V necks so deep, a whole village in Africa makes clothes from the remaining fabric.
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Rani Mukherjee is on a cleavage-baring spree these days. First it was her bikini clad promos for Dil Bole Haddipa, then her appearance on Salman Khan’s Dus Ka Dum wearing a sexy, itsy-bitsy black number and now this – a photo shoot and cover pic, styled by Sabyasachi for the fashion glossy Hi Blitz.
Guess what Rani’s wearing? Ah, the teeniest weeniest bits of scraps just about covering her bountiful bosom-turned sexy cleavage! The tiny blouses that Rani is wearing would make even Rakhi Sawant and Mallika Sherawat of Tinsel Town turn a deep shade of red or envious green.
So finally the butter-won’t-melt-in-my-mouth-Rani has given in to the age old ruse of Bollywood heroines whose neck-lines plunge in direct proportion to their career path. And we all know where Rani’s career is headed. Gasp! She has no movie in hand after Dil Bole Haddipa!!! If this disturbing pattern continues and Rani’s career slips any lower, we could be in for quite a treat.
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I just finished writing about Bipasha and Kareena’s tantrums, and now I feel I spoke too soon. These poor girls don’t know the ‘t’ of tantrum and they should consult with Mallika, the indisputable crib queen.
Her latest tantrum being that she will do everything, even get nude, lick, and swallow whole(!!) – believe me, those are her exact words – but she won’t kiss, no sir. Her ever-open mouth is suddenly off-limits. Why, now, all these nakhras one wonders, after she so willingly exchanged saliva and lips with her co-stars Murder and Khwaish?
What’s with the kiss rationing Mallika? Maybe kisses from now on are only reserved for goras, now that this Haryanvi has set her eyes firmly on Hollywood. Or maybe the poor girl just has a serious case of halitosis (bad breath) and the mouthwashes aren’t working?
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Mallika Sherawat has been busy and brazen during her Hollywood blitz. When she’s not terrifying the bejesus out of the international paparazzi with her ridiculous outfits, she’s either flooding Twitter with her inane quotes or heading for Twitter HQ to confirm to staff that she does indeed have a single digit IQ.
A few hours earlier, Ms. Sherawat happily tweeted about her ‘meeting’ with acclaimed director Warren Beatty and Requiem for a Dream dreamboat, Jake Gyllenhaal. Knowing Ms. Sherawat, nothing is as crystal clear as she makes it out to be, and it certainly wasn’t the case with this ‘chance meeting’ during which Mr. Beatty and Jake charmed the wits out of our Haryanvi bimbo.
For the record, Ms. Sherawat didn’t exactly arrange a meeting with the power-packed duo, as most civilized individuals on either side of the pond would… she and a group of her friends barged in on them, while they were finishing up a dinner-meeting. Poor Mr Beatty was probably too polite to show her to the door. Not surprisingly, Mallika’s ‘source’ added generous insights about how ‘thrilled Mr. Beatty was to meet a real, live Bollywood star’. Un.be.lie.va.ble.
Mallika, honey, let’s get this straight once and for all: Barging in on people isn’t polite, and no, it doesn’t matter if you’re the next big ‘hissing’ queen in Hollywood. So, stop giving all of our other, more well-mannered and credible Bollywood stars a bad name. Stop acting like a bubble-brained Bollywood bimbo. Start by learning some basic social etiquette, will you?
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