From the category archives:
Ekta Chaudhary
Dear Ekta Chaudhary. I am really sorry that you couldn’t become an ambassador of world peace (isn’t that what you girls secretly think you are?) Though I don’t give a damn about the show, please don’t drag it in the mud with your completely thoughtless innuendoes about the pageant being racially biased. We know that this trump card worked for Shilpa Shetty in Big Brother, but if you use it ever too often, it will lose its charm.
Oh and by the way, if you’re worried about your ‘unconventional looks and six tattoes not being right for Bollywood’ then let me draw your attention to a certain infamous item girl of the industry who has been braving her tattooed body through the many ups and downs of Bollywood. Ms. Ekta, meet Ms. Rakhi Sawant.
Might I suggest taking on a ‘reality show’ route to success. It’s been tried and tested you know and contestants have been known to enjoy their 10 minutes of fame (15 minutes of fame is for the bona fide Bollywood toadies). Oh and by the way, a movie with Abhay Deol? Really? Tell me, do you think your brain might need a little tweaking before you make any more stupid, career-crushing decisions?
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We’ve all heard that story about how these Donald Trump-sponsored global beauty contests are all about a ‘lethal combination’ of beauty and brains. And to be honest, it isn’t surprising for Mr. Trump to go down predictability lane, yet again, especially when you consider the Miss California fiasco which had Mr. Trump assuaging the bruised ego of well-endowed pro-gay sponsors.
But what’s really surprising is the way our desi fashion fraternity is lapping up the hogwash fed to them through clever, crowd-pulling PR. Take for instance Miss India Ekta Chaudhary’s recent debacle at the Miss Universe pageant, which had our Indian glamour-squad up in arms about how ‘deserving’ and ‘unlucky’ poor Ekta is. And if that wasn’t astounding enough, one of our country’s leading couture moguls even went so far as to suspect some ‘discrimination’ and ‘foul play’.
Seriously guys, can you not see that these pageants have ‘fake’ written all over them in shiny neon paint? These shows are as fake as the breasts, lips, noses and hair extensions sported by most of the contestants. Still need proof?
Flashback to the year 2000, when a relatively-unknown Priyanka Chopra took her first hesitant steps on the global dais. The judges asked her a relatively boring, and oh-so-predictable question: Who do you think is the most successful woman living today and why?
Being the smarty pants that she is, Miss Chopra wasted no time in spouting the weariest answer of them all: Mother Teresa. Pure genius you say, eh? Well, I beg to differ. If you really read the question like it is supposed to be read, the question asks for a ‘living’ person. Mother Teresa was successful in spreading her message of love, peace and compassion, no doubt, but that’s hardly the most appropriate answer for a question which couldn’t possibly get any more succinct and clear.
So, let’s quit this Sherlock Holmes deduction game once and for all, and take these pageants with a generous pinch of salt, shall we?
And just so that you don’t waste any more precious print space about how your short hair didn’t exactly match your Indian-ness, Ekta… you ain’t all that. Really.
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Bollywood filling up with also-rans: Ekta Chaudhary’s the latest
Filed under : Aishwarya Rai Bachchan, Celina Jaitley, Diya Mirza, Ekta Chaudhary, Om Puri, Priyanka Chopra, Sushmitha Sen
Ekta Chaudhary’s mom thinks her baby didn’t win the pageant because this year’s preference was for blondes. I don’t know what she based her research on, but Stefania Fernandez doesn’t look blonde from any angle to me.
Ekta simply doesn’t have ‘it’. And it’s not just me saying so. She’d find it difficult to be remembered with clothes off, not to speak of her impending doom with her clothes on.
Ekta’s career plan looked something like this about a week ago:
Miss Universe crown = Hollywood + New York
It’s now been humbly realigned to:
No crown = Bollywood (hopefully) + amchi Mumbai; else, drown.
But, girl, I should tell you: Bollywood’s really no place for losers. If anything, it’s a far more competitive and cruel place than your ramp. Aishwarya and Sushmitha have made it alright, but not before they had their (more than) fair share of flops. Also, do remember that they were not also-rans.
Among the other beauty queens, no one’s doing half as well as Priyanka Chopra, with Dia Mirza popping up now and then from God-knows-where and Celina Jaitley being remembered mostly as ’smooch queen’.
Moral of the story: we don’t need no bag-of-skin-and-bones models. If we want wooden faces, we have Om Puri (whom you could never ever match up to in the acting department, which is movies used to be about anyway!).
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