From the category archives:
Bitchiest
It all began with the cheesy, televised Swayamvar, which had a very decadent and equally obnoxious Rakhi Sawant batting her fake eyelashes and dishing out her half-baked atrocious sound bytes at all and anyone who would care to listen.
Along came Mr. Elesh Parujanwala with his mighty promises of phirang lands and glorious riches. Not surprisingly, Ms. Sawant was only too eager to lap all of Elesh’s tall tales, and declared him to be the man she’d been waiting several lifetimes for.
Not one to be outdone, Mama Sawant realized that this disgusting Swayamvar could very well be her first and only shot at overnight celebrity status, and created a huge ruckus about Rakhi not asking for her ‘permission’ and ‘opinion’ about Elesh vada-pav.
Rakhi, being the insatiable fame-whore that she is, refused to allow Mama Sawant to the ‘most special day of her entire life’… which surprisingly, never took off after Elesh revealed his not-so-affluent origins and months-old unemployment.
By now, Mama Sawant has seen, heard and experienced enough. So, she decides to follow her inglorious, tarty daughter’s footsteps by making a bee-line for the attention-starved, humbug Bigg Boss series.
So, if Mama Sawant’s career graph is any indication of times to come, does this mean that also have to bear a melodramatic, well-past-her-prime, fame-mongering cougar offering lip-service to a dozen giddy, small-town males? And should push come to a shove, will Mama Sawant also proceed to thrust her silicon bosom at just about every other private party and shady awards’ ‘functions’?
Ewww…. And we thought Rakhi Sawant was bad news!
A special word to the makers of Bigg Boss: WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING???!!
Last time I checked, Bigg Boss was supposed to be (or was supposed to at least try to be) entertaining and creative. With the way things are shaping up, why don’t you just bunk Big B’s pseudo pop philosophy and rename the show as ‘Sawant Kutumb ki Chatt-patti batein’, or maybe ‘Jo dikhta hai, wahi bikta hai’ in classic Rakhi Sawant ishtyle?
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New Rakhee and Elesh Show Criticised In ‘Baby Pimping’ Uproar!
Filed under : Bitchiest, Rakhee Sawant
The much-hyped borrowed baby show featuring washed out starlets like Mouni Roy and of course, our very own Rakhi ‘loudmouth’ Sawant has finally attracted the wrath of the National Commission of Protection of Child Rights (NCPCR). They claim that tearing a child away from his / her biological parents can have disastrous implications on the child’s mental and physical well being.
Gee… so, it took NCPCR all of a good month or two of subjecting hapless toddlers to brainless, irresponsible nobodies before they finally realized that the children (who obviously have no say in what happens to them) were being treated unfairly? Brilliant deduction, NCPCR. We only wish you’d thought of this way before the show actually kicked off instead of waiting for Rakhi Sawant and Co. to flaunt their borrowed babies like trendy Gucci accessories.
The show organizers claim however, that the parents of these ‘borrowed children’ were not paid for loaning out their offspring, as they were already ‘rich’ and ‘educated’. What’s more, some of these parents also go on to claim that they were doing ‘social service’ by teaching celebrities the finer nuances of parenting. Say, what?
Which ‘rich’ and ‘educated’ parent in their right mind would loan their child out to Rakhi and Egg-head Parujanwalla, or even Mouni Roy and Gaurav Chopra who are more obsessed with pecking at each other, rather than bonding with the child they are supposed to be caring for?
It’s only now, after the show has attracted all this unnecessary hype and hoopla, that a couple of astute psychologists cry foul and blame the show-organizers for causing separation anxiety in the young, unwilling stars-to-be.
Methinks that in addition to the organizers, NCPCR should also haul up these irresponsible parents by the scruff of their necks and teach them a firm lesson or two about what caring for your child really means. Because the last time I checked, it certainly didn’t have to do with pimping your child out for your own personal and starry-eyed ambitions.
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Amrita Arora’s career hardly ever saw the light of the day. She tried playing the good girl and then the item girl but while both the things worked well for her fiery hot sister, it just didn’t work out well for her.
I always thought that she was jinxed. She’s beautiful… though obviously not talented, but willing to shed off clothes for a ’script that demands it’ (read: all movies). Frankly speaking, this works well in Bollywood, but not for poor Amrita. So when I found out that she got kicked off Season’s Greetings, what probably was going to be her last movie ever, I felt profoundly sad for her. Then, I found out why she got kicked off.
Well the girl happily gave away dates for for her availability but shooting schedules kept getting postponed and she forgot to mention to the team that she was planning a baby. Oh how nice she would have looked wearing a skimpy costume, shaking a leg, six months pregnant!
Though she does have a point. UTV didn’t inform her that she was bumped off the movie. But dear, you should have guessed as much. I mean haven’t you been a part of the Bollywood brigade long enough to know that this is no place for mommies and sensitive matters like courtesy and respect for others? Girl, get your priorities straight, stop feeling so cheated (it seems to have the makings of being a cheesy, largely forgettable flick anyway) and focus on what’s really important…that beautiful little babe who’s going to be calling you mamma very soon.
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Air Head Asin Could Face The Wrath Of Khans If She Doesn’t Shut Up Soon!
Filed under : Aamir Khan, Asin, Bitchiest, Rakhee Sawant, Saif Ali Khan, Salman Khan, Shah Rukh Khan
Asin amuses me. No really, she does. In fact, I am sure that a lot of others are equally amused with her. I, of course, am not talking about her uber hamming skills or her plastic ‘oh-I’m-so-adorable-and-nice’ persona. I am talking about her mouth at which she apparently has no control.
After being pounded by the media so hard for her suddenly-acquired attitude, I am surprised that the lady is still going great guns. Frankly, these were characteristics that I would previously only have attributed to Rakhi Sawant. But not anymore. Asin’s coming very close to Rakhi when it comes to drama and I am really not even kidding!
After she managed to get Salman upset with her, she’s now denying self-concocted rumors of her affair with Salman. Uh… Asin, did you just try to imply there that Salman would prefer you over Katrina...? You didn’t? Because it seemed like you just did. If you haven’t got the point yet, here it is again. You’ve irked Salman off and even if you believe that he’s having an affair with you (enough to have to deny to the media!), there’s no reason you should say it out loud.
Of course knowing Asin, she wouldn’t stop just there. She’s elated with her start off in Bollywood.
“I started my innings with Aamir Khan and I continued my good spell with Salman. That is two Khans down, two to go (Shah Rukh Khan and Saif Ali Khan).”
Watch Out Khans! The arrogance of the statement is enough to raise anybody’s eyebrows. But not mine. I have learnt to expect this from Asin. After all, if no one’s talking about you in Bollywood, you have to take on the task yourself. You start by having an imaginary affair with a screen icon, then leak it to the press and proceed from there to posture yourself arrogantly and pretend that you are a legendary screen goddess in the making and every popular actor will soon be lining up to star with you.
Here’s some advice for you lonely girl Asin, play with your dolls and enjoy yourself but know when to shut up and stop babbling about your fantasies — remember, you’re only pretending in that little make believe world you call your mind!
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Sherlyn Chopra is now proudly walking in Rakhi Sawant’s sleazy showbiz shoes. If you compare the similarities in their careers, you would be surprised. Both have no brains and little control over their loose tongues. Both women shed off their clothes on the drop of a hat. Both have a boob jobs that they are quite proud of and of course both are cheap publicity seekers. However, Rakhi has Bigg Boss and a much hyped Swayamvar under her wing whereas Sherlyn has yet not forayed into the reality show circus.
But the gap between the two bimbos which was not much to begin with, is getting narrower even as you read this. Sherlyn Chopra is packing her bags for Bigg Boss and it seems as if some people are really interested in seeing how she does. Why I can’t understand…but we can’t all have lives and responsibilities I guess.
Of course the makers of Bigg Boss would like nothing more than to have a Menekasque Sherlyn Chopra try to seduce the Vishwamitra-like Baba Ramdev. While that circus may not happen anytime soon ( thank God!), I am sure Sherlyn is preparing herself well to arouse interest in any other Vishwamitra that she can find. The girl didn’t invest all that moolah in How-To-Be-Dumber-Than I-Already-Am classes and silicone boob implants for nuthin’.
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Amrita Rao is Maxim’s cover girl of the month.
Whoa boys, calm down and let’s back up a little bit. Yes, we all know that Maxim is risqué and can get a little steamy… and that’s only putting it mildly. Remember Mandira Body (oops… I mean Bedi) in her barely-there bikini and scandal-icious tattoos?
So, when Amrita Rao decides to throw all caution and other ghareloo sensibilities to the wind and bare-dare all for a Maxim photo shoot, the imagination does tend to run wild. After all, Ms. Rao’s strategic move blends in perfectly with her decision to shed the painful girl-next-door avatar and don the sex-kitten hat.
But ghar-ki-Ammu still has a lesson or two to learn from seasoned dhamaka pros like Sherlyn and Mallika… at least as far as sound bytes are concerned.
With Mallika and gang, their constant blabbering tries to border on double entendres and tongue-in-cheek puns, if not all-out sexual propaganda.
Ms. Rao on the other hand, can’t seem to make up her mind about whether saucy and sexy is her ball game, or whether she’s better off playing safe with her giddy, girly avatar.
So, the muddle-headed bimbo decides to swing both ways by thrusting her bosom in a teensy-tiny ganji-cum-smock, and then spout ghar-ki-bahu wisdom when asked for her opinion on bikinis and sexuality.
She claims: “My dad used to tell me that a woman should wear a bikini the day she has a body to flaunt it.” Geez woman, really? So, Papa Rao decides to come home from work one fine evening and have a heart-to-heart with his starlet daughter about how bikini-worthy her body is? Wow… seems like Bigg Boss 3 needs to bunk Big B and hire Papa Rao right this very instant, because we’ve got a number of women out there who have no business flaunting their flab in peek-a-boo negligees and they could sure use some of Papa Rao’s astute wisdom.
But, trust Ms. Rao to take an inch and stretch it to a mile. She goes on to state: “A bikini is just a two-piece suit that one wears to the beach. It’s not a bait to get more publicity and fans.”
Holy moly Einstein! You’ve just discovered the Bikini Theory of Relativity! So, let’s get out there, you and I, and smack those dim-witted trade gurus and fat-cat producers over their heads, until they finally learn that a bikini-hot bod won’t attract any publicity and/or fans, shall we?
For your words of wisdom are anything to go by, all those red-blooded males who would willingly pledge their lives to see Bipasha Basu rising from the sea, Bo Derek-style and shake the water from her damp hair, really don’t know what they’re getting into. In fact, they barely qualify as ‘fans’ at all!
But all seriousness aside, methinks Ms. Rao should stick to her Vivah and soppy bridal reality television for keeps. This systematic shedding of clothes seems to be directly proportional to the loss of gray matter from her pretty little inflated head. That, or get Maxim to tape her lips sealed tight until she finally realizes that her 2 seconds of fame were over more than 200 days ago.
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Smita Patil’s son Prateik Babbar is not as adventurous as his mom….
Filed under : Bitchiest, Genelia D'Souza, Imraan Khan, Prateik Babbar, Raj Babbar, Sanjay Leela Bhansali, Smita Patil
When he took on the cameo in Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na, I was pleasantly surprised. Usually star bachchas want to arrive on the big screen with full fanfare, band baaja, etc., and here was Prateik Babbar, the son of India’s finest actors Raj Babbar and the late Smita Patil, who debuted in a minor, yet distinct role.
Pratiek did his part pretty well as Genelia’s quirky brother. And, I thought, this guy cares more for the acting part of it, than the ’star’ part of it, especially because another youngster Imraan Khan was also debuting and he was the focus of the movie.
But now I hear that Prateik ditched Chandraprakash Dwivedi after talking to him about a role in a period flick. Instead, his next movie will now be with big banner Sanjay Leela Bhansali in My Friend Pinto. I’m forced to do a rethink on Prateik. Maybe he’s not really like his mom after all, who had her share of big banners, too, of course, but never shied away from a small-budget or hatke movie, if the role was meaty enough.
Well, there can only be on Smita Patil, so I guess it’s too much to expect her son to be like her. But given that Mr Dwivedi knows his history well, Jr Babbar might have passed up a chance to do something different and establish himself as a genuine actor rather than a common place tinsel star with mass appeal and no substance. I’m disappointed because with such an impressive film family pedigree, one would have expected better from him.
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Bigg Boss 3: Bringing down the house with creaky old men
Filed under : Amitabh Bachchan, Baba Ramdev, Bitchiest, Mika Singh, Payal Rohtagi, Rahul Mahajan, Rajesh Khanna, Shammi Kapoor, Sherlyn Chopra
Is Bigg Boss Season 3 going to be all about stuffy, creaking old men? First, we have Mr Bachchan as the pop psychologist (don’t ask him what that means, because he has no clue either), who will turn 68 in a few days. Then, we hear that, horror of horrors, Pramod Mutahlik, the leader of Ram Sena, may be in, too.
Baba Ramdev, bless his soul, opted out of the show. Else, he’d have added to the count of hairy scary men.
And, now, it seems that Rajesh Khanna is tipped to be in Bigg Boss house. For God’s sake, is he even alive? From where are the Colors people digging out these relics from? Whom will you stuff in next? Shammi Kapoor?
Much as I hate to say it, for once my heart was gladdened to know that Sherlyn Chopra will be there in all her booby grandeur. After all, one does need some eye candy when boxed in with such botoxed and starched men. Apart from handling all the male attention, she will be expected to take on some bitchy responsibilities previously handled by Payal Rohtagi. I’m sure Sherlyn won’t let us down.
But who will take Rahul Mahajan’s place? I don’t see any of the elderlies coming anywhere close to the craziness quotient of Jr Mahajan. I have a suggestion for the channel people: why not rope in Mika? You can count on him any day to be crazy, with or without a camera watching. And it can do wonders for your TRP.
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Is it like those who ride together, stick together?!
The Kolkata Knight Riders duo – Shah Rukh Khan and Sourav Ganguly – will make another public show of solidarity when Dada’s ‘Dadagiri’, a popular Bangla quiz show, will go national next year.
I wonder why Shah Rukh is so keen on appearing lovey-dovey with Saurav. He is the owner of the team, isn’t it? So, one would have actually expected the opposite to happen.
Earlier, it was rumoured that Dada would have a major say in the selection of the team coach, and now this! Why all this kow-towing to an aging captain who passed his prime long ago? Very curious. More so since it’s been a long, long time since the KKR team tasted victory. These boys must be starting a new business trend to network and leverage on the basis of failure huh?
Strange are the ways of these celebs. So, let the scratching begin!
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No prizes for guessing. And the butt of the bashing, Karan Johar, could actually ask RGV to guide Imraan Khan a bit. Ok, this is not clear to you at all, is it?
Karan Johar is on a roll… to break the mould, albeit his own. After Wake Up Sid, he’s now trying his hand with something like a self-parody in I Hate Love Stories. It’s a movie about a film director who only makes mushy movies (again, no prizes) and his two assistants, one of whom hates love stories, and hence the title.
Imraan plays the role of the assistant who hates love stories, and I think he could bring a lot more colour to his character if he had a word with Ram Gopal Verma on the nuances of how to hate love stories and their modern-day creator, KJo. RGV has made KJo-bashing a fine art, after all.
Come to think of it, if Karan had asked RGV to help out, I am sure Ramu would have done it for free, too. He’s not one to miss an opportunity to rag mush-man Karan, eh? In fact, the entire movie should have been handled by RGV, and then KJo could get back by doing a I Hate To Scream or I Don’t Like Dead People movie… Hmm, this time KJo has stolen the thunder from crusty ol’ RGV. Better spoof yourself gently than let your enemy no. 1 do it, eh KJo? You never know what kind of hard-to-take punches he might come up with to knock out your giant-sized ego.
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