From the category archives:
Bitchiest
No sooner than Amitabh Bacchan start his (mis)adventures with the Tweety bird, do we get to hear how he is proud of the fact that Shah Rukh Khan’s popularity on the social networking site knows no bounds… Recently, Shah Rukh crossed the 4,00,000 followers mark on twitter and guess who was most heartily congratulating him? It was none other than gramps Bacchan.
Bacchan doesn’t stop there. Just like Karan Johar’s melodramatic family sagas, which do not know when to end, Amitabh too went on to suggest a name for a country that might one day belong to the superstar.
“How about – “KINGDOM”, taking up from your own popular and deserving epithet of KING!”
This is what Bacchan tweets happily. Well, if we didn’t know any better, we would have thought that this was really from the heart, however we are none the wiser and all we can see behind this charade, is raw animal hatred. To answer back, the witty King retorted
“I have a name for your World Mr. Bachchan. The , thanks for letting us be a part of it sir. Love & health to you.”
Keep congratulating each other men, it gives us something to laugh about. Now wait a second, while I go and throw up some.
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In Bollywood’s Garden of Eden, Twitter is the one snake that is spreading misgivings and causing discomforts. Despite the public fallout of popular political figures like Shashi Tharoor and IPL honcho Lalit Modi, Twitter continues to charm politicians and film stars alike. The latest addition to Twitter’s enviable collection of controversy conjurers is none other than Amitabh Bachchan. As if the first family of Bollywood is not getting its fair share of controversies, Amitabh has opened up this new Pandora’s Box. Already every alternate day, Amitabh is taken pot shots at because of the things that he candidly writes on his blog. Now with Twitter, his thoughts will be immediately transported to us lesser mortals. Oh the throes of agony that I foresee…!
When will these guys begin to understand that the controversies that they stir does not make them popular. What it does is magnify irrelevant issues and make them bigger than the more important things in life. So maybe just for sometime, they need to leave twitter alone.
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Guess who’s parading around town, inviting Hollywood head honchos to her Cannes after-hours parties? Think no more… It’s our very own limelight mongering Mallika Sherawat. Almost a non entity in Bollywood now, Mallika has set her sights on becoming a Hollywood heart throb (aka Bimbo). Imagine what that would be like, but I think she’s chosen the wrong way to go about it.
She recently pulled off a ‘Lady GaGa‘ at the Cannes Award function where she turned up in a ghastly looking cobwebbed – gothic frock and Roman Sandals. Definitely, she thought that this would put her in the race against the classier Deepika Padukone and Aishwarya Rai Bacchan. Sorry Mallika, wrong award function.
Mallika has been hissing too much on twitter too, trying to gt attention towards her upcoming movie ‘Hisss’. Her attempts sure reek of desperation. Well, what do you think, what else should Mallika do to make sure that she stays the center of attention, at least till she thinks up of something herself?
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Katrina Kaif is definitely beautiful. There are no two ways about it. When it comes to sizzling the screen, no one can beat her. Think of her swaying her hips to a typical Bollywood ‘barsaat mein bheega’ number, wearing a red saree that is clinging to her body, and you’ve got something going on. Now imagine the singing voice in the background to be Katrina’s (and no I am not talking about the lady who still does her voice overs in all hindi movies). Shocked? Scared is more like it.
We love watching Katrina turn into the Bollywood glamdoll from the suave and classy act that she once pulled off, but we definitely would not want to hear her struggle with a hindi song while she is wearing a clinging red saree and gyrating in front of the camera. There are things that can be pulled off and then there are those that just shouldn’t be attempted. Our sincere request to A.R Rehman, please withdraw your offer to teach Katrina how to sing. We know you are happy with your success all over the world, but please don’t screw it for us. There are limits to what we can tolerate.
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Deepika Padukone and Neil Nitin Mukesh just can’t stop complimenting each other. According to Deepika, “Neil is such a well brought-up guy, absolutely impeccable in his manners. Besides being a brilliant actor he’s also a great technician. I see him turning director soon. My other co-star Imran Khan in Break Ke Baad is great fun too. We shot in Delhi and bonded immediately.” (it seems she really loves to bond…can she bond well with James Bond? What do you think?)
When asked about her alleged link up with Mallya Jr (not again) she says, “Can’t I be seen with the people I’m working with without being linked to them?..” This lady had been linked up with people since the time she did her debut in Bollywood…it was Indian Cricket captain M.S Dhoni, then Yuvraj Singh, another cricketer and obviously there’s Ranbir Kapoor (her all time favorite).
According to sources, Neil is so protective of Deepika that everytime she had to perform any stunt, he gets tense… (so caring!!!) You lucky gal!! May you have many more PROTECTIONS like this…Going great babe…
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MNS Brats Put Bollywood In The Shade With Their Vicious Bitch-Fests And Tantrums!
Filed under : Bitchiest, Raj Thackeray
Come election time and our neta babus toss all inhibitions aside to indulge in the most outlandish gimmicks… cheesy enough to make even hardened fame-hustlers like Sherlyn Chopra and Loudmouth Sawant duck for cover.
With the Maharashtra Assembly elections just around the corner, our MNS chiefs seem to have traded their brains and sensibilities for those of 2-year old, tantrum-throwing spoilt brats.
First in line is Chief Minister Ashok Chavan who called Raj Thackeray a ‘croaking frog’. Not to be outdone, Raj Thackeray retaliated in kind, mincing no words as he called Uddhav Thackeray an ‘aitya bilawar nagoba’. For the uninitiated, his flowery language can loosely be translated as ‘a snake who always claims a readymade home, instead of toiling for it’. Interesting, huh?
Well, there’s more where that came from.
Uddhav Thackeray decided to hop on to the bandwagon as well, but rather than poke his pudgy fingers at more ‘powerful, better-connected’ opponents, he turned the tables on himself by refusing to comment on the Congress-NCP alliance, claiming that ‘he would be put into a cage like a rat’ if he dared to raise his voice of dissent.
By now, we have a rat, a snake and a frog. Goodie! What’s next?
Having run out of animals and reptiles to draw inspiration from, our netas turned to not-so-clever tongue-in-cheek repartee. Uddhav Thackeray leads the brat pack by cheekily stating that Raj isn’t ‘a superman, but a supari man’ (read: a contract killer).
And if that wasn’t creative enough, our MNS chiefs also resorted to cheap potshots about their opponents’ health, citing imaginary medical problems. Case in point being MNS leader Shirish Parkar who merrily called for the resignation of BJP Union Minister Ram Naik, stating that he needs regular blood transfusions. Logical enough, one would say, except that no-one, apart from the astute Mr. Parkar seems to have this detailed first-hand insight into Mr. Naik’s health woes… and this includes Mr. Naik himself!
With all this strategic name-calling our elections seem more like a free-for-all, mud-slinging bitch-fest… which is rather alarming considering that these immature, juvenile squabbling babu-log are responsible for making many life and career-altering decisions. But then, given our age-old legacy of uninhibited drama and exaggeration, what’s life without a Bollywood-style masala… eh?
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Boob Paradise Turns To Boozer’s Hell On Bigg Boss 3…. No Daaru For Poor Kaka Babu!
Filed under : Bitchiest, Rajesh Khanna
Once upon a time, in a land not-so-far-away, there was a blazing acting stalwart named Rajesh Khanna. Mr. Khanna, who wasn’t exactly your clichéd brawny knight in shining armor, delivered brilliant celluloid masterpieces like Anand, Bawarchi and Aavishkaar… all by sheer force of his unbeatable acting talent.
Fast-forward to the early 21st century, and our dearly beloved Kaka babu underwent a series of hideous transformations, until he finally devolved into a haggard, lecherous has-been, whose movie-selection criteria revolve around the number of voluptuous, scantily-clothed starlets he gets to grope and slather his aging tongue at.
Needless to say, the B-grade flicks tanked without so much as a ripple, leaving a desperate Mr. Khanna to look for greener, juicier, and ‘more youthful’ pastures. Luckily for him, his search coincided with the casting of Bigg Boss 3, which had already lined up silicon-loaded mamas like Sherlyn Chopra and Shamita Shetty.
Ka-ching!
Mr. Khanna was all too eager to grab this amazingly lucrative opportunity to get down and dirty with two of Bollywood’s most oomph-a-licious bimbos. And then, the producers of Bigg Boss 3 divulged the unthinkable… leery Mr. Khanna would be denied his daily rum and coke through the entire duration of his stay in the Bigg Boss House.
Gasp!
Where’s the mazzaa in groping at nubile nymphets if you don’t have your daily dose of daaru to wash it all down? No no, Mr. Khanna would have none of it. With daamad Akshay Kumar roping in a bevy of bikini-clad PYTs for his Khatron ke Khiladi, Mr. Khanna was pretty darn sure he could coerce playboy Akki into pulling a few strings and landing him an equally Don Juan’esque role.
Well, on the brighter side, Mama Dimple and beti Twinkle must be heaving plenty of relieved sighs… given that just about anyone who makes it past the first couple of elimination rounds at Bigg Boss seems to instantly lose any last shred of sanity and good taste.
So for your sakes, fair ladies of the Khanna household, let’s raise a very thankful toast to Bigg Boss and their no-drinking policy! Hic!
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When were huge backsides in? There was a time when Sir Mix-A-Lot sang the infamous I like Big Butts but I thought that was the end of the big butt frenzy. I however, was mistaken because then came bootylicious Jennifer Lopez, Beyonce and more recently Kim Kardashian shaking their huge backsides to fame and fortune.
Enter Bollywood. Remember how the careers of Bollywood actresses has been inversely proportional to the size of their backsides? Remember Shilpa Shirodkar, Rambha and the likes who got booted because of their booty?
You must be wondering why I am incessantly talking about butts, backsides and booty. It is because I just found out that Shahid Kapoor uses bum bags to make his butt appear bigger than it actually is!
I don’t know who or what his inspiration is. The man can act. The man can dance. The mans has celebrity parents. The man even had a string of gorgeous girlfriends. These are the makings of a perfect Bollywood life. Why then this insecurity? We have seen bimbos like Sherlyn and Rakhi go for silicon enhancement in their bosoms for the want of work, fame and recognition. Shahid, it seems is on a similar path. Only difference is that he’s gone a little below the belt!
Shahid dude, I can understand women being finicky about the size and roundness of their butt. But, I am finding it a little hard to understand why a perfectly attractive (some might even say pretty) male specimen would be so fixated on his backside to the point where he wears bum bags in public. It is a little odd if you ask me and sends the wrong message to the wrong people (wink! wink!). Red-blooded males are supposed to be muscular with killer abs…. not bootylicious like Jennifer Lopez, Beyonce and Rhamba! Something isn’t gelling right here but to each his/her own in this crazy mixed-up world of Bollywood.
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Blood does run thicker than water and that was just proved by none other than Rakhi Sawant! If you’ve seen even a single episode of the third season of Bigg Boss, you know what a disaster Rakhi’s mom is! She sings provocative songs and shakes a leg or two dancing to what she calls ‘meri Rakhi ka gana’. Of course the song she’s dancing to is not her daughter’s song… but I digress…
Rakhi is upset with Tanaaz Karim. You may wonder why. Well it is because Tanaaz, who is a housemate with mama Sawant at the house of Bigg Boss, is not paying due respect and attention to her.
Rakhi may not be on talking terms with her family. She may have not invited her family to her make believe wedding. She may not even acknowledge their existence, but she will let anyone insult her blood relations …as long as it gives our fame-pimping hustler a chance to be in limelight. So don’t you dare mess with Rakhi’s mother, housemates of Bigg Boss, or you will experience the wrath of Rakhi… or her unending high pitched monologue in front of the cameras. Well, like it or not, you have a choice between tolerating Jaya Sawant’s uber dramatic tantrums or deal with her daughter’s cheap media grabbing ones.
If you insist on subjecting yourself to these stomach-turning interludes, at least have some medication for acid reflux or nausea near at hand. You’ll need it!
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Salman’s strange fixation about working with cheap imitations of his girlfriends
Filed under : Bitchiest, Salman Khan
In a previous post, I’d talked about Sallu’s inexplicable Aishwarya fixation, the highlights of which were a Kajra re rip off executed to creep-worthy perfection by a fading Preity Zinta, and a certain Ms. Ullal who could make mega-bucks as an Ash look-alike should she choose to revive her long-forgotten B-town ambitions.
At that time, I’d summed it up to an Ash-reflux or hangover… but lately, it seems like Salman bhai’s uncanny fixation with cheap imitations of his Bollywood Queen-Bee girlfriends is going a tad too far.
According to recent reports by a leading Mumbai rag, Sallu is keen on making a Parisian romantic saga starring a newfound phirang unknown. Hardly surprising, considering his past ‘international venture’ (read: Bollywood dud) named Marigold featured a very confused-looking Ali Larter, and sank without a trace at the box-office.
However, interestingly enough, Sallu’s latest venture comes with a strict set of instructions to an unnamed French casting agency – they have been asked to look for a female lead who looks distinctly Caucasian with subtle hints of desi khoobsoorti. In other, less complicated words, Sallu’s on the lookout for a Katrina Kaif lookalike.
Which brings us to a very pertinent question – Why?
What’s Sallu’s motive behind this seemingly-bizarre need to swap his girlfriends with lesser-known substitutes? Of course, being the diplomat that he is, Sallu’s publicist vehemently insists that the only reason for this Kat-swap is because Salman and Katrina have mutually agreed to not star together.
But given Ms. Kaif’s recent rebellious episodes on national television which had her hugging a nervous Neil Nitin Mukesh much to the surprise of an uncomfortable-looking Salman, is this his macho-dude way of telling Katrina:
“Sorry girlfriend, I know you think you’re too hot and all… but look at what I found! A girl who looks, talks and walks like you, and hopefully will be much more grateful to the family she’s piggy-backing on to, for Bollywood success”?
If memory serves accurately (which I’m sure it does), Sallu also pulled a clone-coup on his hoity girlfriend with his choice of actresses in his forthcoming film titled Veer which features a very Katrina-resembling Zarine Khan. And this, after Sallu bhai rubbishes all reports of a split between his larger-than-life self and Katrina.
Hmmm… I have no clue about which way this star-studded romance is headed, but one thing’s for sure – it’s sure going to be very interesting to watch how it eventually shapes up!
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